http://www.wood.army.mil/1-48IN/a_pic.htm

You can see what she's been doing and who she's been doing it with at the above link, but the only picture of her is this:

She's the one with her back facing the camera. I'd know the back of that head anywhere!

I think I made a mistake. I went to sick call today. That's why I've been able to catch up. I think I've been waiting in this lobby for 7 or more hours, no kidding. P6 and all my battle buddies insisted I go. You see, my arm has a numb spot that's growing rapidly. My left toes are numb. My right big toe is numb. P6 said I should go because there's a chance a spider bit me at FTX. I don't know. It doesn't really affect my training much, now that I've thought of that, my looming PT test, and how I've let you and others down by not pulling my act together. They might put me on profile. I hope not. I won't tell them about my knee or hip, though or I _will_ be on profile. I shouldn't have come. Today was U.S. weapons 2. It was probably awesome. The DS should have let me train first, then go. I've waited since before they started training and I think they're done now. I'm still waiting. I think Montoya will arrange for me to do it another day with another Company, but if I fail the test tomorrow, I don't have to worry about it. I'm going to try to finish the BRM board tonight in case I fail. I want it done for when Difatta comes back. I also hope they'll give me another chance, knowing how disciplined, dedicated, and motivated I am and have been. A super cool BRM board will help display that, I hope.

This sucks. I'm second to last to be seen of the females. I hope Montoya doesn't say I wanted to miss training to be a sick call Ranger. That's the last thing I need right before the PT test: more degradation. I think I'm missing us phasing right now too. I think I'd rather die than come back here. They scared me saying it could be diabetes or circulation. So many times today I wanted to just rip up my slip and leave, but I knew Montoya would say I missed training on purpose if I came back with nothing. Pitts said I'll be a profile. I told both I hope they say its nothing. I don't know. This waiting, possible profiledom, missing training, and that frikkin test are really stressing me out right now. Only 15 days left? Why did I let them talk me into it? Dang it.

U.S. weapons is cool. I missed the bazooka, claymores, and mines. Dang it! I feel like a loser being here. I'm just going to beg to not be put on profile anyway. My forearm and toes are numb. So what. Dang it.

I try to be confident when it comes to PT, but I have to admit the test has me psyched out. I'm afraid of it. I like my Company, my Commander, my First Sergeant, and DSs. I like the ones for the other platoons, too.

However, if I fail the test tomorrow, I'm going to another Company. We're supposed to phase to Blue Phase today. If I get moved, I will have been in Blue Phase only one day. There are about 15 days left. It is agony. I don't know if I can do it. Sense says I should be able to. I have the hardest part, the run, pretty much aced. Why can't I do sit-ups like the others can? I feel like a failure. I can't stand the thought of seeing my platoon and battle buddies pass me by in their Class A's. I'm stressed about it. I almost feel like my old self on a good day. I feel relaxed and tense in intervals. I should be excited. I want to cry. If I pass tomorrow, I know I will graduate. I can do the rest.

The DS hasn't bothered me about it for a week now. My battle buddies say it's because they know I'm trying and I work hard. I know they have a higher regard for me than they used to. However, I worry that they don't bother me because there's nothing they can do. I'm mostly worried about sit-ups.

I will try to remain positive. I just don't want to leave my Company. If I fail again, I hope they'll let me retest. Montoya told me she'd move me, though. If I di get NSOd, I know it won't be the end of the world. I'm ready to get out of here, though and I'm afraid I won't be able to see you guys or go anywhere. No priveledges. I know I can handle it, but it's hard. I would miss what I've become familiar with.

I used to think I couldn't handle being started over. I know I can, now. I just really don't want to. Maybe I'll be fine. Maybe they'll let me retest.

We haven't done much PT in the past week. Either that is really good or really bad. On the one hand, maybe I will have recovered a little from the constant strain and fatigue. On the other hand, maybe I won't be properly stretched, warmed up, or I will have atrophied.

I saw some funny names today. Snodgrass, Drinkwater, and Mantych. No kidding.

Also, 4th platoon has a new Drill Sergeant. He's great. He is serious _and_ funny. Also, I realized yesterday that he looks like and sounds a little like Major Payne. That reminds me, was Major Payne a major in the movie? If so, why did he wear a DS hat? I have to watch it again now that I have more perspective.

I figured that other one was getting too full of scattered stories, so here's a new one.

The third night of FTX, the DSs were sneaking and prowling. I was first on fire guard and I was still getting ready when I noticed Pitts walking around. I wasn't sure if he was an enemy at that moment, so I got down into the kneeling unsupported position and pointed my weapon at the high ready, able to fire at any moment. I watched him carefully, following his movement with my muzzle behind cover.

He had NVGs (night vision goggles). All the females were still getting ready except me and my battle buddy. We weren't technically on duty yet, but we were both ready to sound an alarm. He seemed excited when he say how easy of targets we appeared to be until he saw us watching. He wanted to CS (tear gas) us, I think, while we were in as state of chaos. We didn't sound an alarm yet because he wasn't close enough yet ([sounding the alarm too soon was] a mistake many Privates kept making) but we also didn't dismiss his presence. He turned around and went to the male's camp, leaving us alone. They yelled "Halt!" too early, and did all sorts of stuff wrong. I heard him yell "Shut up!" back. Obviously he wasn't in enemy mode. We like to say he's an 89 Delta normally (Nuclear Chemical Biological Specialist), but when he puts on his black gloves, he's a 99 Zulu (Combat Ninja).

The last day of FTX, I got to be an Iraqi woman. I dressed up and everything. Pitts set the scenario and we played off on it. We had 2 males with weapons, a pregnant woman, and 3 other women. All of us dressed up. He said one male is like the village leader and none of us could speak English. He told us to make a language up and speak in gibberish.

We walked down the middle of the street, chattering loudly in gibberish towards our platoon. It was good training because they actually pretended it was real, yet couldn't figure out what to do with us. They should have searched us first things first (why are we in the middle of the FOB if there are supposed to be guards?) We were a potential threat. Well, the "pregnant" female started going into labor and chaos broke loose. We all started yelling and motioning and reaching for soldiers. Three of us females surrounded a male soldier and chattered at him angrily. He's not the sharpest tool in the shed in the first place, he's big, and funny. I can't describe Fleury, really. Well, we did that and he looked all confused, saying, "Oh my God, this is so annoying!" over our high-pitched gibberish. It was hilarous. Well, during the chaos, they started putting the males on the ground because they seemed like a threat with weapons. They told each other to separate males from females, but I generally wandered at my discretion. Another mistake.

So, I decided to be difficult. I pretended Bruno (one of those males who dressed up) was my relative and I grabbed and pulled at soldiers to get them off of him, wailing and generally being a nuisance. Still I wandered free. Only at the last moment was I put on the ground by 2 females.

Every time I looked, Pitts looked pleased, shocked, and reminiscent. I also think he found their confusion funny.

The Commander was there for that, too, and said, "That was some good training today."

I figured it might be a good time to elaborate on FTX (Field Training Exercise).

FTX is sweat, dirt, constipation, little sleep, port-o-potties, and fun. It's cool. A part of me really wants to see the DSs in action, fighting. Even if I'm one being beat up it will be cool. They attacked our FOB (Forward Observation Base) frequently.

The first night, they mounted a machine gun on a humvee and attacked the gate. Another platoon had the duty of guarding it, and they messed up.

They opened the gate to run _out_ of the FOB to attack. They also didn't just start shooting when the DSs fired on them. They were yelling for them to "halt" and stuff. Retarded. The Rambo who ran out there got himself kidnapped too. The DSs yelled at the gate guards that they would kill him if they didn't drop their weapons and open the gate. They paused for a moment, then all of them started firing. The guy wasn't very popular.

Well, the DSs took off down the road. A little later they sped right through the woodline into the FOB, particularly where the 1st Platoon males were. The PG (Platoon Guide) called for a 360 degree perimeter, 100%. Most got out of bed and fought. Two of the DSs were Combative level 1. The third was a level 2. Oh man. That would have been so cool to see. Desmarteau, Edwards, and Boyer attacked Slabaugh when he tried to sneak further into camp. Those 3 are fit and tough, one at least being a martial artist. All are built. DS Slabaugh doesn't look like that much, but apparently the is. He held his own, though he took some blows. Then DS Williams (level 2) took Desmarteau (martial artist) and threw him.

Pitts (our scary DS) took on Edwards. My understanding is that he put Edwards into an arm bar. Very, very cool. Females had to guard their own perimeter deeper in the FOB. I would have run out there if I were allowed to.

I had my own dealings with the DSs, though. The next day, I was on guard duty at the gate. Williams walked up and started pretending to be an Iraqi civilian. We were all given cards to tape to our weapons with some Arabic phrases, and I studied it more than the others, apparently. I told him "No!" and "Not permitted!" every time he tried to dig too deep or get too close. Generally, the DSs have seen me as disciplined, quiet, not very forward, and a little unconfident. I showed another side of me that day. Williams looked a little surprised, then asked in his role if I were the "Big Boss." My battle buddies volunteered too much info and I came off as a little hostile. When the person who was supposed to be guarding the left started engaging in conversation and passing his canteen over the gate, I interrupted them with a "No! Not permitted!" We did well until someone unnecessarily fired a warning shot into the ground that ricoched (dang it, can't remember how to spell that) into the throat of our squad leader. He acted without being directed to and killed someone. Then, Williams said, "it's all right, we want you to make mistakes. That's how you learn."

We were supposed to kick the razor wire at him to emphasize our point. He wasn't really a threat to us, so a shot was unnecessary force. I would have fired on him if he got over the fence, though, because he might have had a bomb strapped to him. Scaling a razor wire fence would be a little too much effort for a normal civilian, especially with soldiers wielding weapons yelling at them on the other side.

When Williams asked what we should have done and what we did, I was the one mostly answering. I think I've been gaining favor with them. When Pitts taught us how to clear a room Barney style (stupidly simple), he didn't outline every step exactly. Some was common sense. I gained some esteem with him when we were exiting the room with a 4-man team. Someone in my platoon who tries to be a know-it-all yelled at me from the sideline, trying to correct me by saying my muzzle goes on the left of the person in front of me like when we entered. I snapped right back, saying it makes no sense to cover the wall on the left if the middle of the room is on the right. He smiled and told them I was right. That's an honor coming from him.

He would have made me squad leader that day if I'd passed my PT test. He asked me if I did, I said no, then he said, "You're unfit to lead." That was days before FTX, btw.

When I spoke to Williams forcefully during FTX, the Commander was there. She turned around when I first commanded him in Arabic to stop.

The next evening was the day we first fired our weapons on [cannot read]. I'd just finished firing (my weapon happened to kick some CLP (a lubricant) into my eye. Slabaugh was my coach at the time. My eye burned since the first shot, so I waited a little after I fired, then asked him if he ever had that problem. He said I shouldn't, said it must have kicked CLP back, then said I should inform another DS if it continues to hurt) and I was recovering from the CLP burning my firing eye when the Captain walked in. I guess we looked bored and sleepy because she asked who had their Smart card. Most of us put it away when we get to ranges because we get shaken down and we were told to carry as little as possible, otherwise they might think we were trying to hide something.

Well, I was the only one (I think) to raise my hand. She asked for it, so I undid my LBV (load-bearing vest for magazines and grenates), IBA (body armor), my left chest pocket, pulled out my ziploc bag, then pulled the Smart Card out of that. She commented quietly as I did it with something like "Good Lord, Private." It was funny. Well, she took it and looked at it, muttered under her breath, then instructed me to lead the Company in the 48th Regimental Song. I asked if she wanted me to conduct it. She asked me what I meant, so I gave a short explanation. I have to mention she's easy to please, generally. Any attempt at saluting is good enough for her (the DSs correct us) and such. Her face brightened more and more with every word. I think she was pleased I was thinking for myself and putting forth information to be more helpful to her. She said yes, told me to get on the podium, then instructed me to begin.

I once again used my commanding voice in front of her, and successfully conducted and led the Company in song. If she hadn't been right next to me, I'm sure the DSs and the First Sergeant (who was walking quickly in my direction) would have eaten me alive. She then had me conduct the Army Song, then put together those who used to be in choir to sing the National Anthem.

SHE EVEN HELD MY WEAPON. She also held Crowe's (our PG) weapon. She told me she was considering because of that letting me conduct at Graduation.

Weeks before, when I first saluted her on my own, I said "Alpha Rock, Ma'am." like I was supposed to (Alpha Company's saying), and she responded with "No, you rock." She started to walk away, so I did, then she stopped me and asked what I made on BRM that day. (That day was the first and only day we qualified in full battle rattle, which is heavy. Very few qualified. I was one of the few who did.) I said, "Twenty-three, Ma'am." and she said something like, "I thought so," and smiled, and left.

Well, yesterday after I fired the 50 Cal (very cool!) I had to go to her for shakedown. I must have grinned from ear to ear. I forgot to say, "No brass, no ammo, Ma'am," too. We look ridiculous in the first place, holding our body armor open and jumping. I must have looked doubly so grinning like an idiot at the Commander, because she started laughing, and waved me on. She asked me about my conducting, said she'd get with me on it, then I asked her for my card back. She speaks to me almost like an equal, and she really doesn't talk to many of the Privates, especially as much as she talks to me. She told me she gave it to a DS, then said she'd get me a new one. Few are even brave enough to ask. I think that's really good, though.

9/11/08 (The day before Hurricane Ike made landfall)

First Platoon is the red-headed stepchild of the Company.
Second is the lovable troublemaker.
Third is the favorite, treated best.
Fouth is the neglected one.

I'm so miserable today. I should be happy because we are about to start FTX (Field Training Exercize) and we have only 27 days left. I'm still miserable. I have moments where I see the light and I'm happy, but they are few and far between.

I am tired all the time. I hurt all over, but particularly in my hip at the joint, my upper back, and my right knee. I think I have a fracture, but it's not bad yet. It will be.

My hip joint hurts. It started at about a 3 on a scale of 1-10, but yesterday, I nearly cried every time I had to walk. It was a 7 then. It goes on and off. It hurt to sit yesterday, but it's okay and just mostly stiff today.

I haven't written for several reasons. At first, it was because it was raining. That doesn't seem like a reason, but it is if you realize what I have to wear in the rain, let alone the fact I've already ruined one notepad because I was sweating in my wet weather gear so much, it made all my ink run in it. Also, its almost impossible to reach [for] anything in your pockets in such a manner so as not to be noticed doing what I'm doing.

I've got to catch you up. It's been over a week I think since I've written.

I can't write at night because I'm afraid to. I failed my diagnostic PT test, then I had a little integrity and was the only one out of about 20 to admit to the DS that I hadn't been filling out my PT card. I became an example.

I thought it was optional and I was going to do it anyway, but we'd only had them 3 days. I did it one day, but not the next 2. It really cuts into your activities when you have to stop every 30 minutes to d 4 minutes of push-ups and sit-ups.

Now, she's said that if I don't pass my PT test, she will NSO all 1st Plt. females. I think it would have been less of a punishment if they'd said I refused to do it, but because they said I hadn't (which was true), she said it was in issue with teamwork.

They watched me carefully the first few days because they wanted to make sure the DS couldn't say they didn't try, but they ended up actually telling me to take it easy. I was super depressed. I couldn't make sharpshooter. We should have been allowed to shoot 3 times, but it was only 2. I have the skill to be an expert. Confidence is my issue with everything. I need encouragement.

The DS is using her leadership/motivation style of degradation on me. Difatta left for airborne school. His style was best for me. Now we have the crazy DS, the degrading DS, and an MP sergeant to train us. (Forgive the brokenness of my train of though. My body armor is choking me, my back hurts, my battle buddies won't shut up, and I want to butt stock most of them in the face at this moment).

Also, we have a "diagnostic" PT test tomorrow. It's the real thing. Ignorance is bliss and I wish I didn't understand their mind games when it comes to that.It's the final if we pass. I also don't want to tell the DS about my hip. That's an instant profile. All others who had the same problem have fractures and torn muscled. Not or. _And_.

If I pass the PT test tomorrow, I will feel better I think. I will barely pass it if I do at all. I'm so fatigued and my bones hurt so much it will be a real effort. I've shaped up, but my issue is breathing and confidence. The DS only makes it worse. I wish I were in the 3rd Plt. That's the one I wanted to be in since I first found out.

I feel like such a screw up. I want to go home so bad. I'm sick of these females. I'm sick of wearing more than 15 lbs. at all times. I'm sick of being treated like we're in red phase. We phased 2 weeks ago. I guess that's Montoya's favorite phase though. We're her last cycle and she wants us to be perfect. We're demoralized. Every time we get something right, she finds something wrong 10 times worse. We're the only platoon treated this way. The red-headed stepchild. That's 1st platoon.

(This letter came in sections, written on 2-1/2 x 3 inch notepad paper. Two of the sections were dated 8/26/08, so it is assumed all the sections were written that day.)

A
I never get to write anymore, so I bought some pocket notebooks to keep all of you informed.

We started Basic Rifle Markmanship yesterday. It was a good day. The weather was perfect, we called cadences (and we could hear them so we were loud), and we went to the range. It's peaceful there despite the firing.

I have to mention the weather. It is drier here than it is at home, though anyone not from SE Texas thinks its awfully humid. It is hot, but the breezes are always cool. At home, the breeze is hotter half the time than the still air. The weather is just as capricious as home. Wait about 15 minutes and it will change. It also gets cooler. The weather now is like mid- to late  November at home. It feels like fall and it is the middle of August. Usually, it's like a sauna this time of year at home. The DS's say it will probably snow before our Basic is up.

B
I've wanted to write in response to a very basic question for some days now. "What is it like, being in Basic/the Army?" (I've heard both.)

Well, it's hard to explain even for someone who spends much of her time determining the base differences between experiences. I'll try my best.

It's difficult in many ways. We move faster than we ever did in our lives. Packing for a camping trip at home takes an hour or two. You have to check and recheck, buy what you lack, improvise for what you're unwilling to buy, and you _always_ forget something basic (toilet paper or something) despite your double-checking.

In the Army, you pack _everything_ in less than 10 minutes because _at_ ten minutes, you're in formation

You don't have "personal space" in the Army. You are Government Property. If you didn't realize it before you got to Basic, you'll definitely know it early on in Basic.

You also come to terms with it. You _did_ sign a contract, so you agreed to it. Don't complain. It's not so bad when you get used to it.

You have to stay organized and "dress right dress" all the time. This is hard because you don't have time often to place things at 90 degree angles and such most of the time.

It is especially hard at first. For one, most people who join are _not_ in shape. CAPEing will be so routine you won't even care anymore. Pain will be a familiar sensation over time, especially burning muscles. For two, _nothing_ you do is right. Don't take it personal when 5 DSs are in your face. Their job is to prepare you for combat. Combat is very stressful, so they put a lot of stress on you and teach you how to function correctly when any move you make could be the end of you.

The hardest part is the mental part. You miss home a lot. You miss being a civilian very much. You miss mundane things like grocery shopping. I had a dream I was grocery shopping with Dad, and I was very happy. You slowly come to realize you will not see anything you knew for a very long time. You can't change your path. You can't quit. Anything you do to try to change that has severe consequences. You could go to prison, get started over, stay waiting until well after you would have finished (lost in the system), etc. You were expensive (over $2,000) up to this point, so you kind of owe it to them and to yourself to stick with it. Also, being discharged looks bad and it will be hard to get a job. If you're AWOL, you _can't_ function in a normal society, and because it is a time of war, you are a deserter. It is a weighty decision to join the Army.

It is easy in other ways. You don't have to worry about medical issues, eating, sleeping, clothing, or really anything. You're always told what to do and where to be.

You will do things you didn't think you could. You will experience fears you never thought you could overcome. You will grow and change.

One of the hardest parts is working as a team. There are many people in your platoon. You may or may not be willing to work together. So is everyone else. Communication varies from region to region, so be patient with your battle buddies if they cannot understand you or if you can't understand them. Try to get along. Minimize fighting as best you can. Fighting accomplishes nothing.

The Drill Sergeants are going to mess with you. Seriously. They are the funniest people ever. Don't laugh if you can help it. You get in trouble for that. They tell you to stay out of arm's reach, so do so. They're certified Combat Level 1 or higher and you don't want to be in their grasp. You also don't want their attention. Do what you're told to the tee (attention to detail)!

They also give conflicting orders. Our platoon is called the Regulators, but we have to earn it first. You'd better not call yourself that or even say it beforehand. If you bring attention to yourself, one DS from another platoon might call you out and tell you to say it. Your DS is right there telling you not to. You can't disobey an NCO or you can be punished under military law. They happened yesterday. A guy accidentally got the wrong size of knee pads and was told to trade. There was no one in his platoon he could trade with, and so he was told to head towards another platoon. The DSs of those platoons would tell him not to sound off with their platoon name while the DS who yelled at him originally, his own, told him to sound off. They said, "You better not do it." He said, "You can't go over there until you do it." He was thoroughly confused and freaked out. There were about 6 of them giving orders. He even had to bark like a dog (2nd is the Bulldogs). Don't underestimate their creativity either. You may never see the extent of their ideas for punishment. Most of mine are combat veterans, and we have 11 altogether for our Company.

Share and trade with battle buddies. If they don't have something they're told to, you're all wrong.

Be sure to wear your issued glasses. They're ugly, they make you ugly, and they suck. They're also part of your uniform, so you must wear them. They will be blurry at first until you get used to them. They're _not_ normal glasses.

C
At BRM yesterday, our first day, I did pretty decent.

DS Difatta, my favorite one, came up to inspect my target after 6 rounds. He didn't seem to expect much, and when he saw how I did, he did a double take. He paid attention to me more. The first time, almost speechless he said, "Not bad, Derosia (deh RO see uh)." The second time, he said "Good job." I was always on the verge of grouping, but I missed it by one every time. He was giving advice and compliments to boost my spirits. I was amazed considering we're still in Red Phase. He said loudly behind me (because he started paying more attention to me), "You've got the best steady position I've ever seen, Derosia." Not bad considering I'd just had a malfunction. The wording might not be exact, but it's close.

D
Well, I just finised my second round of firing. I didn't group yesterday, and it was very discouraging. Today I was the last person in the lineup to group. I zeroed within the next six rounds. DS Difatta said, "Holy crap, Derosia! You're zeroed!" I can tell my DSs are proud of me.

After I cleared my weapon (you know me, I can't stop smiling when I'm happy), I was range walking looking down to get to the wind screen. I looked up and a DS was there. I didn't realize I was still smiling. She said, "Wipe that smile off of your face, Private." I said, "Yes, DS," and did my best. She said, "What are you smiling for anyway?" DS Pitts said "She's smiling because she thinks she can shoot. Wait until there are rounds going over your head." "Yes, DS," I said. I'm still happy. I could tell he was proud.

I failed to mention that 1st Plt DS's pulled a power struggle so I and a few others could zero. We are ahead, so they almost didn't let us do it. Pitts said to Difatta, "Are you sure they can zero with only one magazine?" He said yes. They believed in us and in me. Difatta said I was much improved and said "Outstanding" about my second magazine. I was supposed to get 27 rounds. People who zero get 18 rounds. I grouped and zeroed today with 18 rounds.

DS Pitts said if any of us hit all 40 targets, he'd give us his DS pin. I asked him how many he had. He said he would have 50 if it were necessary. I told DS Difatta I wanted one of those pins when he said I zeroed. He said words of encouragement and moved on.

E
You can send me care packages. I found that out a while ago, but I never remember to tell you. You can also send me as many pictures as you like. I can only hang up 6. I'm extremely grateful for the ones I've received. The more the merrier. When I open my locker, I see my family and I almost feel as if they are there.

Aaron, please tell Mr. Smith and the band how and what I'm doing, if they're interested. I was sad to hear about your horn, but I'm glad your slide could be replaced and you got the show on the field. Tell me what your favorite songs to play are and about the fun you have. Tell me about your Drum Majors and stuff. I'd like to know. Tell Stephen to give Mom his email or get the blog site for him. I'd like him and Brittanie to know how I'm doing as well.

Tell the band that the teamwork and discipline I learned in band helped  pull me through. We stand at attention for a very long time in the heat with no water. The longest no-break amount of time we stood at attention was about an hour and a half. I was reminded of marching contest at La Grange. We also march a lot. Our band stays in step better than my company did for the first 5 weeks. They also had more trouble lining up in straight lines. Heaven forbid if they had to make a circle! I miss band and band camp and drum major camp. My weapon is like my instrument in many ways. It is very precise. Not one aspect can be off or it is "out of tune" and won't hit the target. The strength I gained in my wrist helped me to hold my weapon.

You know (no joke) we marched 1.5 miles, 3 miles, and we will march a 15k at the end (about 9 miles) carrying our weapons and a 30 lb. rucksack at a wide step (think about 3 1/2 steps per yard line marker). Band helped me with that.

I also use my Drum Major skills that I learned there in order to help my fellow soldiers.

When I spoke up once and gave my 2 cents worth of advice, they asked, "Where did you learn that? It sounds like it came out of a book." I said, "I was a Drum Major for two years."

I also understand my Drill Sergeants better than most because I was a Drum Major. I'm glad I wasn't like them  when you first met me.

I'm way behind. This week was hard. Just know that you are with me in spirit, always on my mind. I recall home, Jacksonville, church, and all I hold dear every day. It keeps me through the days and holds me together. God pulls me through every day. When I no longer think I can go on, I give all my trust and troubles to God. I've done things through Him I could never have imagined doing on my own. The blindfolded high-dive with a weapon, the one-rope bridge commando-style, bleeding veinously for about 3-5 seconds, and the mental torture we are put through.
    I wake up at night, thinking I had to get in formation 2 mintues prior. This happens every night: I dream we are being yelled at to get outside, and I believe it's real. The other night, I actually climbed out of bed and ran into the hall. When I realized my mistake, I went to the latrine, then back to bed.
    We "lost our drill sergeants" for the 4 days before today. I never thought I would miss being CAPEd. The day before we "lost" them, I wished they would leave us alone. Well, they did. It was mental torture. Our whole platoon was lost without direction. Our worst Privates were put in charge of us. I explained more in my last writing. It was hard. All the DSs were commenting about , "You're out of control, First," and, "Stay away from First, Second. They're out of control." I did nothing, yet I felt bad just for being lumped with a bad group. Recall in my previous letter, I felt it was personal. I know (and knew) it had a purpose. It was a lesson for the whole company. All of them pulled together by watching us and gained more discipline. We pulled together and learned to love our DSs. Can you believe it? I can't believe I actually not only don't fear them, but I respect and like them. I was excited yesterday when I was made to do pushups. DS Fosberg reminds me of Dad a little. I constantly fight laughter in his presence. He's hilarious.
    I did the IV stick 2 days ago. I can't believe it. I was stuck first. I'm still bruised and I was stuck first. My partner will be a combat medic after AIT. He was good, very calm and professional-seeming. He got it in the vein (amazing considering I had to be stuck 5 times before with a smaller needle), but the Specialist had to stick me again. My partner _seemed_ to know what he was doing, but I knew due to studying and I had to correct him occasionally. I had one moment of panic. He had both catheters in (14 gauge needles, yay!) and the saline-lock, and he forgot the next step and I bled...a lot. It didn't take long to bleed everywhere. It's really dark-colored when it comes from the vein. The Specialist said people at the 43rd had no idea what they were doing.
    I asked the First Sergeant (who took pictures of me) if the IV made him nervous. He said, "No, Private. You'll be okay, Private." (He is small, older, fun, and part Japanese or something. We call him Yoda, not to his face, though. He carries a walking stick sometimes, adding to that image).
    Of course, he watched me perform the IV on my partner. He told me I did an excellent job (my partner hardly bled at all). I don't fear needles really anymore. IVs feel good. My energy was up after that and I felt happy. Maybe I don't make enough electrolytes. I can now perform chest decompression on any of you, as well as an IV, tourniquet, and a nasopharyngeal airway. I think Dad was right about how I could be a good doctor.
    We got our DSs back today. I was so happy. We did the 5K march today. After our Combat Lifesaver Certification test, DS DiFatta asked who had feet troubles like blisters and wet socks. I went up (recall my boots don't fit being too wide and such). He told me to go into another room and take off my boots and socks. When he saw the damage, he asked how long I've had them, then gave me some of his moleskin and _told_ me to go to sick call on Saturday and take care of my feet.

8/17/08
(the days left in the D-fac are wrong so I'm confused)


    I'm falling behind now. It's been days, but I've been busy. The day after the confidence course was Rifle Bayonet Training and the 3K march. I love walking. You all know that. However, there's a difference between walking and marching. _Marching_ involves wearing not only underwear, a t-shirt, 2 pairs of socks, boots and pants but alos a jacket, a load-bearing vest, and about 30 lbs in a metal-framed rucksack on your back. In formation. At formation speed (which is hard when 6ft people are setting their long-strided pace).
    It was hard for me mostly because I was sick. Again. I was also tired, bruised, and dehydrated. It is hard to keep hydrated at ties because you're never sure when it's okay to drink. We're _always_ busy, moving at full speed, panic (near-panic, really) in every movement.
    Well, RBT was fun. We were demonstrated the correct way to run the course (how to move over obstacles, yell, kill the targets, and not to stab ourselves). Then, we got rubber rifles (so we can't break them) and bayonets. I know
it's silly, but I expected it to look more like the ones from the Revolutionary War. It looks like a knife, really.
    One thing to remember: don't step back. Every move, slash, stab, or butt stroke is a step forward. Very aggressive. I loved it.
    However, I sprained my ankle during the course. (If I repeat anything, it's because I can't remember what I've written.) Actually, I think I did talk about this.
    So, I'll talk about land navigation. That was fun. Definitely my thing. I always used to wander the woods at home. It's amazing how many of my peers fear bugs as if every one of them were deadly.
    DS Pitts (one of 1st Platoon's DSs) was carrying a snake. A sergeant was put in charge of setting forth the rules and instructions for land Nav. He was great. He told us he can be the best NCO at this base and he can be the worst. He looked like the lead singer to Smash Mouth in my opinion. He told us to leave the wildlife alone, how to get back if we are lost (just head in a 170 azimuth), and how each team would be organized.
    He was a movie person, too (just like us). He threw out quotes and references left and right, also warning us not to interrupt him if he's watching a movie. He chose team leaders, too. When he introduced himself, he looked all of us, each and every individual, in the eyes. When he chose team leaders, he picked the reluctant, the goofy, and a few extras. Every one got a comment.
    Tall people would be chosen and he'd say, "Where did you come from, the land of the giants?"
    I guess he considered me to be weak or something, because he chose me and said "I don't even know what to say about you. You remind me of a mouse or something." I am physically slight of build, especially compared to my peers, and my thick glasses pushing my ears forward don't help the image. I'm also quiet and patient in the eyes of my platoon, helpful always.
    Later, when I was running back from retrieving my map marker, he said to me, "Hurry up, Feivel." I just responded with "Yes, Sergeant." My team said "That's great. That name's sticking, you know." That member was Jewish (his name is Brot). I enjoyed land navigation, and I didn't one tick on me!